May be it was the monsoon rains I was waiting for that Saturday afternoon, staring at the ceiling fan above, almost drowning in humidity, waiting for that illusive something.... to quench an unquenchable something that engulfs me whenever I am alone nowadays.


Uncaring monsoon rains come at will, too early like last year or too late like this year, but none complains when they do come. The smell of joy of the parched land that tasted the first drops of rain and the greenery all around with big wide grins tell one thing very clearly; monsoon rains bring something to cheer about, that they will (even if a myth) solve everyone's problem.

It is still a mystery why AK came to see me that same afternoon. Unannounced, without any reason, but beautiful as usual in a checked shirt with a matching tie, he came in with that smile which once crippled my heart every time it flashed. I gave back what was supposed to be a smile.... which actually turned out to be anything but. After some few pauses of awkwardness, we finally settled down in normal conversation. He told me he finally decided to give up studies and found a job, that's why the formal clothing- he said looking down at his tie. I told him about the new exciting project I was working on. And then after some few more pauses it came…. I told him about my sister’s painful death. His twinkling eyes just a minute ago transformed into this inviting bottomless well of sympathy, where I couldn’t resist jumping into, and I ended up telling him every details of my sister’s last few months and how I felt and still feel about it.

He lends a patient ear holding my hand all the while, and when I ended he drew me close making my head rest on his chest, holding me tightly. Something triggered my tears to flow and I was sobbing ….. a sob over which I had no control. And then, it happened. We kissed. A kissed before which you didn’t think of kissing, a kiss after which you just want to be kissed even more, it was as natural as that. We spoke nothing afterwards as if not wanting to pollute the fragrance that lingered of what just happened with useless words.

Outside, the clouds cracked and the shower that resulted slowly swallowed the humidity. I could feel the happiness of the farmers on the arrival of their trusted friend called monsoon. There is rain and there will be no crop failure- I can almost hear them think. Everything was cheerful and great again!

As it turned out, the next day the meteorology department informed that it was not the arrival of monsoon but a burst of some passing stray clouds. Everybody was happy that it provided some relieve from the unbearable heat at least. I know it was just a kiss and nothing more, but I am thankful that AK provided me ‘that something’ when I needed it the most.

It's been a while I posted a pics only post. That was a conscious decision. But come on guys! It's summer and I can't bear the heat anymore. Anyway, I need some cheering up after all that happened in my life the past months. This is me treating myself and also my way of saying life goes on........






and yes, so many of you asked me what's my kinna guys. Strictly speaking of looks, this guy comes very close; nothing flashy, nothing sleek, no muscles.... just a jeans and t-shirt kinna cool guy.

The other day two friends (gays like me but much younger) came visiting me. So? One might ask. If you dig a little deeper in my blog/life you will know the significance. It sort of mark a milestone in my gay life. Finally, I have friends visiting me to whom I can confide about guys I like, and tell them about my long distance friend whom I met in Delhi. Actually we did just that. Being much younger then me, by about 7/8 years, they were in a chatty mood. They talked non stop. Some years ago I was thinking I was the only gay in the city and here we were in the same city, taking about guys, sex with men and so many other things which are taboo subjects with other straight friends. Oh yeah, I was loving every minute of it.

We laughed over trivial matters about guys, I was happy. But the next minute there was a built-up inside me of guilt, raze, anger and every negative thing you could think of. Oh no! It has nothing to do with the two sweet guys in front of me. Yes, it has to do with the recent lost of my sister. I guess I am still in the mourning period as she was very close to me. I keep asking God for reasons knowing fully well He is not going to answer. Sleep is hard to come by at nights, and when it finally comes it is fill with the few days before and after her death; like the day her body lay in the cargo section and I in the airport lounge to catch the same flight to go home together.

Above all this as her death sinks in I am feeling my heart sinking in an abyss with no bottom. The impact of this family tragedy is huge on me (Yes, I am human and selfish ends add more weight to my already heavy heart). Things I thought difficult to do before now become impossible; like leaving home to settle with someone I love.

Mom cries every few hours nowadays, specially when she looks at the personal belongings of my sister. One sentence she keeps saying wiping away her tears is, "At least, I have my son with me." May be (No, not may be....) I am sure that is the only thought which is keeping her alive.

After the tragedy that happened in the past few months, I think I am on my feet again and that means I'll be posting soon.

Here's something for you till then. That is, if you are in 'Ugg boots'. Here's an interesting offer from one of the Ugg boots selling company. Below is what they told me. Try if it works.

"I just found your site 1body2soul.blogspot.com and I'm not sure if you would be interested but I created a gift card for your readers which gives them $30 USD (£19 GBP) to spend on our website.

All your readers need to do is visit our website at www.whoogaboots.co.uk and enter the code 1BODY2SOUL into the box in the cart. There are no conditions on it and we do ship to all countries."

It was hard few months for me and my family. I don't want to go into details because that will open up the wounds which are very raw and I have been trying hard for the past few days to close them. But i can tell you this, two of my family members were fighting for their lives in those months, and it all ended about two weeks ago with one of them leaving us forever. The storm wrecked havoc and has passed, leaving us survivors to salvage what is left of my family. I have realized now that it is useless to ask God to remove mountains from my paths, all I can ask Him is to give me strength to cross those mountains. May God be with us all.

Thank you very much for your prayers and kind words of support. The park bench in front of the hospital, and the tears that I have shed sitting on them will testify that your prayers and words of supports were the few things that kept me going in those dark hours.

P.S. May be someday I'll have the strength to tell you what exactly happened.

Dear God, I know I have never been the one who often comes to you and pray. Never in my life I have prayed so much, so hard with tears in my eyes as I did in the past few weeks. If the grief you are giving me and my family now is to make me realize YOU are the greatest and that YOU are the only option when everything else fails. Then you have already achieved your goal. Please end the grief that has befallen on me and my family. I beg for your mercy.

Dear friends, me and my family needs your prayers like never before. Please pray for us.

You see the sexy photo on the sidebar and you think thats me despite the fact that you all know I am an anonymous blogger. If you are one of them, boy you are in for a big disappointment if you ever meet me in person or see my photo. Well, for the record, that's not me. This is a photograph of actor Justin Zachary by photographer Andrea Vecchiato. Well, it was not my intention to mislead you to thinking that it was me. Most of you know I have always used photographs of other people earlier and in fact many of you have appreciated my choice of photos in my banner. One difference though from the earlier ones is that instead of using it in a banner area I used it in the 'about' area. I simply did it because after shifting to the new blogger from the classic ones and after choosing the new template I don't know how to add banner photo, big photo at the biginning of the blog, so until I figure out how to do that I just decided to put it in my side bar, which, unfortunately, happens to be the 'about' area. And that is how I drew the ire of the photographer himself. I have requested him to kindly allow me to continue using the photo, of course, giving due credit to him. I am hoping he will allow it.

About my vanishing act recently, I assure you I am not gone! Not yet. I am just in the middle of a family problem (huge one but nothing to do with me being gay) which hopefully will end well, soon. By the way, I am right now in Delhi and will be here for some days.

No photos on this post because I am blogging from a cyber cafe in Delhi.