A closeted gay tries screaming with his mouth gagged. Can you hear him?

Banner photo by Eric Sizmore from his recreation of his coming out years.



My confessions so far
Wednesday, October 19, 2005

  • Introduction

    • In small towns, babies are born. They started growing up like any other kid. They are not different from their city counterpart in many aspects. The only difference is that sex is a taboo subject to...


  • Sexy uncle

    • When I became around sixteen I was still fantasizing but I also felt a strong urge to actually have sex. I must say here that being from a sex taboo society, I didn't know what actually having sex is with another person even when I was a fully grown teenage. I guess it was a raw kind of instinct or shall we say, a very basic instinct.Than came my Uncle ..........


  • Needs the real thing

    • As you can expect , the child in me didn't allow me to mourned the seperation from my uncle for too long. Before long I was up and going. But, a seed had been sowned inside me. The seed of lust.

  • Imitating a macho man

    • So, I had decided not be a gay. Now the question was, what should I be? Well, after much thought I decided that I had to become a macho man. A hunk, a dude.... whatever. It was not so much defficult for me to do so physically. As I had already mentioned, I was an attractive young man. The difficult part was to think like a macho man. I had no idea what's in their mind.

  • Final stroke

    • As I have mentioned in my last post that I was finding it hard to free myself from the clutches of being a gay by being with my macho friends. But, in my heart I was hoping that it would work. May be it was because I wanted to be so much with those handsome and sexy guys always or simply because I didn't know what to do next. One incident made sure that all my doubts went away.

  • My first date with a girl

    • The task to become a straight guy became daunting as days passed by. I knew my prospect of becoming a straight guy was slim. Drowning as I was in the sea of gay, the rescue ship seems farther and farther away. The gay quicksand was dragging me deeper and deeper for every move that I made to get out of it

  • Boys don't cry

    • What right did I have to used and play with an innocent girl's heart for my selfish ends? What right did I have to maligned my relationship with a good friend like Neo? These were the themes for the sleepless night I spent on the day I dated Neemi.

  • Please forgive a gay monk
    • It is a fact of life that after planning everything right in your mind, emotional feelings always play a spoilt sport. However trivial or big it might be, emotions from your heart always influence the decisions taken by your mind, usually with negative consequences. In my case, my

  • Animal Kingdom
    • Teenage is the formative years in a boy's life which shape him to become the person he will be. He learns the various arts of living in those crucial years. The most important being the art of sex. Notwithstanding the taboos and the restrictions society placed, sex is the most vital art he has to learn for his survival as a man.

  • My experiments with girls
    • Left alone in the jungle, I was at a lost as to what I should do to attract a girl for sex. It looked very easy when a pro used his charm to convinced a girl to go out and have sex. But, as I found out, it was not easy. It was even harder for me because as a gay I feel no sexual attraction towards the girls.

  • Girl on top
    • Sonia and I met in the restaurant at the town's outskirts. It was a restaurant only for the name. It was actually an oasis for young lovers in the barren desert of our sex restrictive society. Nobody came there to eat. It was a sort of hide-out where lovers flocked to had sex.

  • New school, New attractions

    • Involved as I was in the world of my sexuality, I almost forgot about my studies. It was one thing that I never failed in my exams and it was entirely another that I was not able to concentrate in my studies.

  • Me, Nipple sucking vampire?

    • I was good when it comes to nipple sucking. But, it was only the beginning. As my sexual experiences increases, I became a professional nipple sucker and finally, I was a 'Nipple Sucking Vampire'.

  • Making love in boys hostel

    • Slowly, I rubbed my lips on his nipples, then I opened my mouth, my tongue doing it's part. He had stopped speaking for a while and the next word he whispered was,"ahhh.....",

  • Doctor Encounter
    • Slowly, his hands reached my balls. He held my balls in each of his hands by his finger tips, as if comparing their sizes and he had a good look:

  • Smoky freedom
    • Freedom comes in relative ways. A drop of water is freedom to the thirsty desert dwellers. A winning lotto ticket is a bowl to freedom to the jobless street beggars. A walking stick is freedom to the old and the blind. A bullet in the head is freedom to the disgrace leaders, and leaving school forever is freedom to the young teenage minds.

  • Next Stop College

    • My aim was simple: Complete engineering in four years and to work in US, or in terms of recent views in the US, I was planning to steal a job from an engineer in the US.

  • Cheers to the Wild Wild West

    • In the wildest of my imagination, I never thought I will start drinking, start partying, start watching porno movies and start chain smoking in the ‘land of Mahatma Gandhi’. But that’s exactly what I did in Gujarat.

  • Hostel Life: Tip of the Iceberg

    • The endless parties and the seeming mirth, the tensions of assignments and exams, and my new found love for guitar, one might be forgiven for thinking my gay desires were history. My gay psyche seemed genuinely lost in all the excitement for good. But that's optimism of the Catholic Church. A snake sheds its skin, not because it seizes to be a snake, but because it become a larger snake.

  • Hostel Life: The Sex
    • I saw the name against the room in the register and I immediately had an erection, for my to-be-roommate was none other than Jash (name changed). Jash was arguably the hottest guy around and he had been a regular feature in many of my fantasies. The unthinkable was happening, filling me with a nervous excitement.

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