Warning! Some graphic sexual details

My Virgin Lover

Seeds sprang out of lovemaking that we are; lovemaking has never been a choice but an inevitable instinct bound to happen. Why sad when we finally do it then? Why so much contentment in this sadness? And why so pleasant is the memory of this sadness?

If something has to happen, it just happens. Every tiny little thing plays their part to that end. Unseen hands had urgent business with our host and he was not coming home for the night. AK and I were left stranded in this city island surrounded by a sea of concrete buildings dwelled by total strangers. AK seemed glad that he has my company at least, and I couldn't ask for anything else in the first night of my Delhi sojourn.

He was the cousin, I was a friend and our host was a bachelor, we did not have any qualms exploiting our host's kitchen, freeze, TV, music system, DVDs, anything in sight. Still, time stubbornly refused to pass by, and we once again found ourselves sitting on the couch almost waiting for the yawns to arrive. It was not surprising then that we were discussing where to sleep once the much-awaited bedtime arrives. It was decided that we would at least show the courtesy to leave the privacy of our host's bedroom. That left us with the guestroom and the couch. Despite my protests, he offered me the bed and took the couch. You are sick, remember- he reminded me. If only we could sleep together- I thought as I watched him walked towards the bathroom.

He emerged with just a towel wrapped around his waist, his wet hair, and the tiny streams of water still drifting down his neck, the shiny droplets of water clinging on to his torso. I silently gasped for breath. It’s all yours- he said indicating that the bathroom was free. Not now…... later- I said worried that the slightest move I make will be my undoing. His lips moved a little as he went pass me. Was it a mocking smile? It was bad enough that I was attracted to this, most probably, straight guy, it was worst if he knew what is on my mind. I was very scared.

The time to sleep came, but sleep was hard to come by. I kept thinking that AK was in the next room and how sexy he could be fully naked. This must be what insanity is like, you think of only one thing until you forget everything else, even sleep. However, I was no insane and I felt asleep, awaken only to find a hand wrapped around my naked waist as I lay on my side.

'AK?'- I whispered.

'Yes'- I felt his warm breath on my neck.

'Problem sleeping on the couch?'- I asked

'No'- his voice was small but firm, and I need not ask anything more.

Instincts took control of me and I grabbed his hand with both my hands and held it tight in my chest, pulling him even closer to me. That is when I felt his fully naked body rubbing me. I turned and saw him in the faint light, creeping in from the bathroom light I had left unattended. It was just enough to reveal his face and his red lips waiting to be kissed. However, I closed my eyes and felt his face with my hands instead, as if trying to imprint his face forever in my mind as a blind man does. Then I slowly bend down to kiss him.

First, he closed his eyes when my lips touched his lips, then his hands grabbed my head when I kissed his neck, and 'ah' he mourned when I kissed his nipples. "What is going on? I feel so good," he whispered, inciting fresh verve in me. It must be a dream! - I had thought. The white sheet that covered us fell off the bed. With that, there was suddenly a feeling of our fantasy being over, and reality hit us. He lay on the bed and I was on my knees besides him. We saw each other naked for the first time. A strange feeling of coyness threatened to choke this fantastic dream. I did not know what to do. Nevertheless, he slowly pulled my hand between his legs. Shall I kiss it? - I asked. Yes- he replied with an enthusiastic tone; that was when the final frontier of our shyness was broken.

'Blame me not if I have become wild, you were the one who made a beast out of me.'

In the silence of the night, there was only a rhythm, a rhythm filled with ecstasy, a rhythm of lovemaking. It became faster and faster like the rhythmic vigor of the tired legs of a racer who sprint as he nears the final stretch; control was no longer with me anymore. Ah! - He said, but this time he also said- Stop it! He pulled himself away, abandoning me in the dark.

He cuddled a pillow and curled up on the bed, still naked almost regretting he had slept with me. I sat on the bedside wondering if I should feel ashame and walk out of the room. But I had to say something, anything.

'First time?' I asked.

'Yes'- he replied again in that small but firm tone.

I tried to remember my first time. Gosh! It took me some time to shuffle my mind and remember it. The details have become vague with rust of time. However, I remembered that teenage boy who really wanted to see a fully-grown male penis. One day he met a nice and friendly person who shows him his penis, he was excited when he let him touch it, he felt good when his nipples were kissed, and he was thrilled to be in the arms of another man. Soon he felt miserable because he realized he was not like his friends anymore. Sometimes he cried asking -why me? But then, he always felt good remembering that 'nice and friendly guy' who shows him his penis, he could not forget his cozy arms and his huge penis. The boy now sometimes asked, "Is the nice and friendly guy and the day I spent with him the reason I am a gay today, an outcast person?"


As I sat on the bedside that night, I asked myself, "Am I going to be the reason this wonderful guy beside me will become a miserable gay his whole life? Is there a chance that if nothing had happened between us tonight he might never know he was gay?" However, I should know better. It might take his entire life but someday, somehow he will know.

Feeling guilty nevertheless, I lay on the couch wide-awake. I wanted to hug him and stroke his head in understanding of his despair, but I was too afraid to touch him, afraid to leave any more proof of my murderous act if he were to die the death of an imprisoned gay his whole life from now on. I felt miserable all over again and screams from my past echoed again, why me? I could also almost hear him scream, why me?, in the other room. Two preys lay wounded helplessly eventhough there was no hunter at sight. Won't it be so much better to be eaten alive than to be left wounded like this?

I felt his hands once again later that night, firmly lifting my cheeks. I did not open my eyes but I knew he watched me for a good few seconds as if trying to decide whether to hate me or love me. Then warm moist lips touched my lips and my neck, and he gave my nipples gentle bites. I tried protesting, but it was too faint and besides, his hand was already between my legs.

"Shall I kiss it," my virgin lover asked.

"Yes," I replied.